hardtales

outnumbered

2012-01-21T21:24:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a little girl...
I sure love my boys, though!

Nockamixon...yes, please.

2012-01-21T05:31:00.000-05:00

My dad and I ventured out to Lake Nockamixon yesterday morning to explore the 10(ish) miles of mountain bike trails.
When we weren't gingerly picking our way through the icy spots, we rolled swiftly through thick hemlocks and tight, twisty trails.
Perfect trails for a frosty little adventure on the SS...while I sometimes covet a geared 29er, I really do love my Raleigh. Although the trails around Nockamixon are relatively flat, there are plenty of other interesting features to keep you engaged (swoopy turns, tight corners, fun stream crossings, and truly beautiful scenery).

It's been a tough week.
As always, I'm reminded that time on the bike, particularly in the woods, is the best remedy for stress.

By the way...looks like a few inches of snow fell here overnight.
Yay!

winter warmers (some practical & unsolicited advice from a girl who likes the cold)

2012-01-18T22:05:00.002-05:00

What works for me on windy days like this:

Toko gloves The best...if you've stuck with this blog for a while, you've heard me extoll the virtues of these amazing gloves year after year. And I am still on the same pair...they're that durable and completely wind-proof. Not only do they keep my hands toasty on the road and the trails, they allow my fingers to remain nimble enough to wrangle GUs and Honey Stingers out of my jersey pockets.
Smartwool base layer (midweight) Worth every penny...breathable, warm, soft. Mine has tiny holes from brambles and several seasons of wear and tear, but it's still functional and I'm far from retiring this glorious staple.
Defeet Woolie Boolie socks (charcoal gray) My go-to sock for spring, winter, and fall...and they freaking last and last and last. Made in the good ol USA, these are the toastiest socks I've tried. I don't own winter mountain bike shoes, but my feet rarely get cold when I wear these. In extremely cold temps, I'll use chemical warmers in my shoes, but it has to be ridiculously frigid for me to resort to those. I also use Endura shoe covers on the trail occasionally (like in the dead of winter when there is snow on the ground and the temps are negative Billion degrees below Zero) or Craft shoe covers on the road.
Craft windproof beanie Another staple I've stuck with for years...a very comfortable fit under the helmet and keeps my little dome piece warm and not sweaty.
Sports Balm Medium embrocation...again, tried & true. I've dabbled with other warming balms, but Mad Alchemy leaves me crying for mercy in the shower and Greyhound Juice smells like...Greyhound Juice. A generous slather of Sports balm on the legs pre-ride gets the blood flowing and keeps that initial chill at bay, but the best part is after the ride. Following a nice hot shower and a swig of Nestle's Quik, you can't beat that lingering embro-warmth under some cozy flannel PJs and a cuddly down blanket. Makes for a damn fine well-deserved post-ride nap.
Lastly, I must mention this little trick imparted by my wise former teammate...to prevent my bottles from freezing, I like to add a shot of Bombay Sapphire to my HEED (which, certainly has its own warming merits, too).

With warm hands and feet, and something comfy covering my head, I find the rest is easy.

I like winter.
I don't like the shorter days and I don't like icy roads.
I do, however, like cold rides on frozen trails and snowshoeing and ice climbing and being snowed in and shoveling my ridiculous driveway and warming up with a hard-earned recovery Delirium and nights in with friends and a cozy fire and massive cups of hot tea and flannel sheets and bundling up and playing outside.
Happy Mid-January!

another Sunday at French Creek...

2012-01-15T15:54:00.000-05:00

Sadly, Red & White is a mess...uprooted trees everywhere, limbs snapped and hanging precariously at seemingly every turn.
Fifty-fifty ride as far as on the bike/off the bike.
Oddly, the first (and most fun) descent was totally clear, as was the last climb out (mercifully).
Can't beat the sound of knobby tires on frozen trails...makes a hard & cold day on the bike somehow better.

the big boardwalk in the sky...

2012-01-14T09:43:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreamed that my grandmom was selling french fries on the boardwalk...she was laughing and enjoying herself.
Hmmmm...she did work the french fry booth at the St.Denis fair every year. Maybe it's her part-time gig up there in Heaven.

Anyway.
I ate the one of the best meals of my life last night at Alba.
Maybe the best.
No exaggeration.

Perfect spot for a date or to share a table with a few friends...the ambiance was bustling, yet intimate. Lively, yet kinda romantic (though, that may have been the company...just sayin).
For dinner, I chose the Spagetti alla Chittarra with peas and pork belly...so simple and perfect.
If you are in the area, just go.
And don't skip dessert because you'll miss out on the best, most simple cake you've ever eaten (vanilla ricotta pound cake...so light and moist and subtly sweet...I want it for our wedding cake and I want it for breakfast right now and every morning for the rest of my life).

What else?
I ran yesterday.
To switch things up.
After fifteen million billion hours on the bike last week, it felt good to run.
Actually, no...nothing about it felt good.
Because running sucks.
Unless it takes place in the woods.
Running is stupid.
Looking forward to a long, cold balaclava ride tomorrow.
Bring it, old man winter...I ain't scurred.

this week (thursday is my friday)

2012-01-12T13:36:00.000-05:00

Highs:

Exchanging an ill-fitting Christmas gift for a super-cute steel gray Michael Stars wrap & sparkly bracelet
trying mat pilates with Janice...holy sh*t, what a kickass class...can't wait for the next one!
beginning to map out the fast-approaching race season ahead of me (another journey to Stewart State Forest on the horizon...word)
coaxing Max to eat something new (in return, I had to try ketchup for him...ewwww, gross gross gross...I knew there was a reason I've gone thirty-six years not knowing what I was "missing")
listening to my kid read and watching his confidence grow (BOB books, you plain old rule)
taking part in Tuesday's impromptu dance party
sitting down to a ~~relaxing~~ noisy, laughter-filled dinner night after night with BSW and Max

Lows:

believing the beady-eyed "meteorologist" when he promised sunny skies and sixty degrees today

"homemades"

2012-01-09T13:37:00.000-05:00

You can start this at 3:30/4:00 and easily have homemade pasta by 6.
(with plenty of time for a glass of wine, Lego shenanigans, and Sunday relaxation in between)

For my way (via Erma Perna and Lidia Bastianich), gather these supplies:
Food Processor (though you certainly can mix it by hand, but lately I'm not a fan of blowing up my entire kitchen with my usual mess-making chaotic ways)
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 C Olive Oil
3(ish) T water
2 large eggs
yields 1 lb pasta (I always make two batches separately, rather than double the recipe and it yields enough pasta to generously feed four hungry adults and one picky kid)

How to:
Aerate your flour quickly in food processor (use regular blade attachment...it's only one small batch, so the dough attachment is excessive and unnecessary)
Whisk together eggs and olive oil in a spouted measuring cup
Add tepid water to measuring cup (you should have about 8 fluid ounces of egg/oil/water total)
Turn on processor and quickly pour liquid mixture into the flour
Within seconds, you should have a ball of sticky pasta dough wildly churning in the processor...
Don't process more than half a minute. If the dough is crumbly or doesn't form into a ball, add some water and a touch of oil.
Remove dough from processor & briefly knead it with generously floured hands on a clean, floured surface (don't go crazy kneading...just form it into a nice elastic mound and place in a covered mixing bowl to rest).
Dough should be at room temp when you roll it out for the pasta (and only needs to rest for about twenty minutes...it's not rising or anything)
I haven't used a pasta "machine" to roll my dough, so I can't tell you how to do that.
This is my way with a rolling pin and floured counter-top:
Divide dough into 4 pieces
Roll into thin sheets (almost translucent...this takes a little patience and a tiny bit of practice)
Fold your flat sheet inward into thirds, cut pasta with sharp knife into desired width of pasta.
*Note: it helps to lightly flour both sides of your sheet of pasta before folding and cutting*
I arrange mine on clean clothes hangers to dry until ready for use (which is pretty much immediately)

Cooking your "homemades"
Bring a large pot of water to a rolling boil, add about 3 T kosher salt
Cook pasta to desired doneness (about 5 minutes does the trick, but try it and cook a bit longer if you wish)

The rest is up to you, but I like to make a quick pan sauce with tomato puree, tomato paste (the tube kind), fresh basil, a few spoons of your pasta water, and a few cloves of garlic...so easy and awesome.

It's only recently that I've delved into homemade pasta territory, but the results have been great. This particular recipe and method was adapted from the aforementioned Lidia, but there are so many ways to modify and personalize it.
Although my grandmom used a machine to sometimes roll out her dough, I find it to be so meditative and relaxing to stretch and roll it myself.
Especially with Diego Garcia crooning in the background a glass of red wine.
Just sayin.

sixty degrees...oh, and Facebook

2012-01-07T16:30:00.003-05:00

Insane weather today.
In-sane.
January 7th and we're noodling around in the woods with shorts and bare arms...what the?
In three short months, we are getting married and the excitement is brimming.
Wedding stuff is creeping into my dreams and I guess I should be stressed, but I'm giddy instead.

With roughly ninety days to go, I am stepping off the Facebook grid.
It's positively embarrassing how much time I spend lurking/creeping/zoning out...guys, I'm not social-networking. I am straight-up creepin...I am procrastinating and getting lost looking at photos of people and places that don't exist in my real life. So freaking weird.
Isn't it so awkward when you see a FB "friend" in real life & you don't even acknowledge each other?
Or has this only happened to me?
I love keeping in touch with my far-flung friends and relatives...I love seeing pictures of their new babies and honeymoons and holidays and all that good stuff, but I've got sh*t to do.
They'll find me, I'll find them...it's all good.

So, yeah.
Sixty degrees.
Fun day on the bikes with BSW...
Winter is going to hurt so much when it finally arrives.
Or are we skipping it?

2012

2012-01-06T13:18:00.000-05:00

photo courtesy of BSW NYE Champagne Ride

Here's to:
Getting hitched in the woods
Racing bikes
Adventuring
Lazing on a pretty beach somewhere
Keeping in touch
Sticking to the plan
Being present
Staying healthy

In other words, the important stuff.
Six days in and all is well...
Cheers.

winding down

2011-12-31T04:36:00.000-05:00

I'm not big on New Years resolutions...I take good care of myself and I'm typically not afraid of change.
As 2011 winds down, there are a few small goals taking shape for the coming year:

Learn how to use the badass camera I received for Christmas last year
drop the eff bomb less in front of my son
be less wasteful

I sure hope the Mayans are wrong because I'd like to see 2012 through...
Cheers!

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

listen

2011-12-28T06:48:00.000-05:00

Beastie Boys- Hot Sauce Committee Part 2
Radiohead- King of Limbs
Diego Garcia- Laura
Raphael Saadiq- Stone Rollin
The Black Keys- El Camino
The Kills- Blood Pressures
the Gorillaz- the Singles Collection

and there you have my list of good sh*t worth repeating released in 2011.
Yours?

some favorites...

2011-12-26T17:21:00.000-05:00

from Santa

"all I want for Christmas is a rock & roll 'lectric guitar..."

Ike

cheers

vinyl

my true love

no cook dandy candy from me to my little brother

my son

my nephew

Rob & BP

my mom

from Max

cheers (again)!

Hope your day was merry & bright.

christmas eve

2011-12-24T10:49:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve...
wrapping
reveling
tacos
early presents
advil
maybe a beer
aspirations to ride (plans that won't materialize, but that's okay)
up so late
too excited to sleep (even though I am nearly 37)

He says, "Next year I'm gonna shop in...June."
Yeah, sure.

The last piece of the Lego advent calendar?
Yoda Claus.
That's right.
Awesome.

all I want for Christmas Is...

2011-12-21T16:04:00.000-05:00

for my mom to feel better (she's been sick this week and missing out on all the Christmas antics and frenzy that I know she actually loves)
the new Black Keys album (cd, not download...I want to hold it in my hands and my Itunes account is all jacked up anyway)...don't you think downloads sound kinda flat?
a cashmere sweater (I say this every year and my parents usually hook me up...)
peace & goodwill & a smaller pile of overdue bills
cute boots (I may be on my own for this one)

2009

2010

for my kid to have a fun and relaxing holiday...for him to not be overwhelmed or feel all stretched out and tired between being home and being at his dad's...

peppermint bark 2011

2011-12-20T21:05:00.001-05:00

Hulking out on candy canes

Hey there.
Seems I've lost my urge to write much of anything other than notes that go into my seven year-old's lunch.
I wrecked my back somehow goofing around on the SS, but that hasn't stopped me from riding...
Plenty of time in the saddle, plenty of time enjoying the woods and the unusually mild weather.
What else?
Oh, there's this wedding we're planning...
All the pieces are falling into place rather serendipitously and for once in my life, I'm not looking over my shoulder waiting for something to fall apart.

I sure hope you and your families have a Merry Christmas!
xo

the peppermint bark is super easy to make...see, I've been doing it for years!
Bag it up in cute little treat sacks & share it with your neighbors/coworkers/kid's teachers...I always save a bag for the UPS guy and our mail carrier, too. It's not creepy, I swear.

merry merry

2011-12-13T04:52:00.000-05:00

December is such a blur usually...
This year I am going to revel in the holidays.
You won't miss anything here for a little while...in the meantime, go enjoy your family and friends.
Step away from the devices and put down the phone...
Bundle up and go play outside.
~~Bake~~ Eat cookies.
Make a fire.
Take a nap.
Lose track of time in a bin full of Legos.
...chill.
That's what we're doing...

Happy Holidays!

Phelps 2011

2011-12-05T13:46:00.000-05:00

care to explain why you're shouldering your bike here, miss?

That's that...my 2011 season ended on a high note at Phelps.
No state champion medals or podium spots for me, but it was an excellent day on the bike.
Course changes made the race challenging with some unexpected mud...it was hard.
Yes, the race was hard (as it should be) and the laps flew by...I finished 12th.
I battled for 12th, so I am quite satisfied with that result.
I was going to take a break from racing this year...I was going to sit out cross for a season.
Yeah...that's crazy.
I couldn't stay away and I am happy that I didn't.

buggin out

2011-12-02T14:30:00.001-05:00

Phelps spectators 2009

6th Birthday

my nephew sampling last year's birthday wares

Being inside other people's mouths all day long literally makes me sick. (gross!...guys, I'm an orthodontic assistant)
Yes, I wear a mask and gloves (and even nerdy protective eye wear sometimes), but no amount of hand washing and zinc has rendered me immune to most of the nasty sh*t that goes around this time of year.
Aaaand it usually hits hard when there is fun holiday party to attend or a notable race is on the calendar.

This time it's a horrible stomach virus and I just want this to be over over over so I can be healthy for Sunday.
(I also want this to be over so I can eat food...real food)
Sunday.
States at Phelps (one of my all-time favorite courses) and oh, yeah...
My ~~baby~~ kid is turning seven.
Sev-EN.
Seven.
Holy hell.

Tonight is the Olde fashioned Christmas Parade in town...
(I'm not going because of aforementioned stomach bug and the fact that Max will be with his dad).
Nearly seven years ago, I walked to the parade 4 days before my due date in the freezing cold bound and determined to get my labor going.
It worked!
Jeff dutifully followed me block after hasty block, walking and walking and walking...
After Santa arrived, we briskly walked the long way home...all nine months and 6+ pounds of ready-to-pop Maxwell zipped snugly beneath my green down coat.
Tonight's the night...tonight's the night...come on, little baby...let's get this going...
Sure enough, my contractions started in the middle of the night and Max would be born roughly seven hours later.
God, I love that kid.
Now, he's about to turn seven...
First Grade.
Reading.
Spelling.
Riding a two-wheeler.
Tying shoes.
Showing kindness and patience and blowing my mind with his empathy towards other human beings every. single. day.

Abusing bad words.
Forming strong opinions.
Appreciating good music.
Crafting an insanely wry sense of humor.
Talking back. (sometimes)
Growing taller...(will surely surpass little ol' me sooner than I'd care to imagine)

(no wonder I'm sick)

(kidding...this is awesome. and way too fleeting)

bad neighbors

2011-11-29T19:41:00.000-05:00

I'm still busy reflecting on the perfect weekend that just ended...
We wrapped up the holiday festivities with a tour of Middle Run/White Clay with some of my favorite people.
I wish I had something profound or witty to say about the ride, but it was quite simply just tons of fun.
Tons.
I just wanted to keep going...and we did.
Only thing better than riding in short sleeves and bare legs in late November is ending the day with great company and Green Flash...

I'm sure our neighbors are less than happy about all the time we spent reveling & riding our bikes this weekend...we are the yard work/leaf-raking delinquents.

still giving thanks

2011-11-26T20:57:00.001-05:00

my other brother, Ike

So.
Freakishly warm temps allowed me to work on my tan this weekend (when I wasn't busy baking pecan pies or teaching my son how to make cranberry sauce).
From French Creek to Fair Hill, I rocked bare legs and short sleeves just days away from December.
The woods at Frech Creek are utterly decimated from the October snow fall...although the trails are mostly clear now (thanks to some hardcore trail maintenance last weekend), I've never seen so much wreckage.
Trees snapped from the top, limbs everywhere...just destroyed.
Other than folding myself in half on the largest rock I could find, the ride was seemless and fun.
Fair Hill was more of the same today...just meandering along and winding through the woods.
I know, I know...winter is coming, but the color on my arms and legs says otherwise.

thankful

2011-11-24T09:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving, friends...
thanks for reading!

Kutztown Cross

2011-11-22T20:42:00.001-05:00

With the elusive front row start finally mine, I didn't turn around to see who was lined up behind me.
When the whistle blew, I just went and I went hard...
Holeshot. For realz?
I was passed by Diane and another woman, but promptly caught them and led the remainder of the first lap.
I was leading, guys...for a little bit, but still...it was awesome, I'm just saying.
Diane caught me again and stayed ahead steadily increasing the gap between us for six more laps.
I fought hard to get closer to her, but fought even harder to stay ahead of 3rd and 4th place.
The tape was dizzying...so. many. twisty. turns.
My favorite part of the course was the Vortex...zigging and zagging, it sucked you in and spit you back out in the middle of Crystal Cave...(okay, it spit you back out on a straightaway with a set of perfectly approachable barriers, but whatever...)

For once, I was completely and utterly focused and simply racing my bike.
For once, there wasn't a loop of nerves working my head and holding me back...
"Um, Kim, that's how it's supposed to be."

Diane Grim is the best competitor ever.
(I'm going to shamelessly gush about how much I love Diane Grim for a second, okay?)
Listen...
She runs around Blue Marsh Lake for fun...like the whole way around the lake.
And when she's not running marathons or 50Ks in the woods, she's slaying the trails on her cross bike.
Or crushing a cross race.
Or creating the most kickass parfaits you will ever eat.
Or calling me and leaving the most enthusiastic voicemail ever.
Plus, she calls me Kiddo and she's not a whole lot older than me...I mean, we both have ex-husbands, she calls me Kiddo.
Yes...definitely one of my favorite people that I have met through our amazing cycling community.
Not only did she pass me like a ninja at Kutztown, but gave me a huge hug when I crossed the line in second place.
We've been racing together for a long time and it is always always a treat to line up and do battle with Diane Grim.

me, Diane, Jennifer

Kutztown Cross was tons of fun.

Santa?

2011-11-21T19:51:00.000-05:00

F*ck.
Max has started asking questions about Santa Claus..."Is he really really really real?"
He'll be seven in a few weeks.
I'm floundering.
"Of course he's real."
"Mom, tell me the truth."
"The truth is I believe in Santa Claus."
"Okay. So do I."

Ugh.
Sandi told me in second grade that Santa wasn't real.
We were washing our hands side by side in the girls bathroom.
"Kim, Santa's not real. You know that, right?"
The rest of the day was a blur...I know Mr.Smith was talking and teaching, but I couldn't hear a word.
The panic about Santa Claus in my head was far too loud.
I demanded the truth from my parents that night and (obviously) it broke my heart.

I don't need to be breaking any hearts.

Maybe tomorrow I'll share some pics and anecdotes about the kickass race in Ktown yesterday.
For now, I'm fretting about Christmas and kids growing up too fast.

ruins

2011-11-19T10:47:00.001-05:00

This is where we are getting married. We'll clear out some of the brush, but otherwise leave the area as is.
It doesn't need anything because it's perfect.

That's Toni's bike.
She showed me how to plant daffodil bulbs (you guys, I had no idea how easy it is...I can do this!).
Toni has kindly offered to handle the flowers for the wedding and I am so excited to see what she dreams up.

Why are we getting married here?
Our first date was a mountain bike ride on these trails...we come back here again & again & again & again.
I couldn't imagine a more ideal location (fingers crossed for good weather, but not going to waste energy stressing about something beyond our control).

The past few weeks I have been so touched and thankful for all the great friends I have in every little corner of my life. It's a beautiful thing, indeed.

what Friday looks like

2011-11-18T13:48:00.000-05:00

The road was cold, but the woods warmed me up quickly.
I say it all the time, but I am constantly blown away and so thankful for the excellent trails we have so close to home.

bonus: when I got back, my mom called and invited me over for a grilled cheese.

so so simple

2011-11-16T19:10:00.000-05:00

I needed to ride my bike today (and I did).
As long as I keep getting out on days like this...
As long as I stay out a little longer than I want to...
As long as I push myself a little harder than I think I can go...
everything will work out fine.
See??

vintage BP

2011-11-15T19:34:00.000-05:00

Cemetary Wall (Safe Harbor) photo courtesy of Eric Horst circa 1991

Favorite Part of Monday

2011-11-14T19:52:00.000-05:00

We're not big on watching TV here.
We have more channels than we know what to do with (and complain that there's nothing on).
Seems like every other day we're all, "let's just get rid of it..." (and that ~~would~~ will be fine).
But.
Mondays at 8pm the three of us are snuggled up & laughing our asses off for fifteen minutes straight while "Adventure Time" is on.

I'm so testy today.
My poor family.
only for ten more minutes, though...

reprieve

2011-11-13T20:42:00.000-05:00

The weekend started with a house full of friends and good food and wine and laughter and a roaring fire...

It ended with my family hiking in the woods and jumping the rocks at St. Peter's Village.

I'm ready to get back on my bike.

Reprieves are good.

burnt

2011-11-12T21:02:00.000-05:00

Sure is frustrating trying to figure out where to ride during hunting season.
I'm holding out on getting back on my road bike.
In fact, I might be a little burnt out on riding in general right now.
In spite of feeling nothing short of awesome on my bike lately, suddenly I'm just not really into it.
Which is fine...because there are running shoes and other diversions.

My favorite cooking show is "Extra Virgin."
I love Debi Mazar and I love her skinny Italian husband, Gabriele.

11/11/11 luck-lucky day musings

2011-11-11T08:58:00.002-05:00

Sept. 1942 Erma & Joe

Veteran's Day:
I always used to call my grandfather on Veteran's Day. He's no longer with us, but not a day goes by without him crossing my mind.
He served in WWII and my brother would concur that we never grew tired of his many war stories.

Marsh Creek (last night):
Bill and I set out for the woods just as darkness and rain crept in.
"It's romantic!" I joked.
"What??" he called over his shoulder.
Nevermind.
We started on the boat launch side, intending to warm up on the climbs.
Brrrrrrrrr.Wet leaves, wet roots made for the inevitable spill on a tight, little descent.
"I'm okay, I'm okay." I said, mostly to myself.
Soon, we were meandering back to the lot.
Done.
"This is silly."
It was.
Still, I've used my lights more in the past few weeks than I did all last winter.
That's good.

Thoughtfulness:
At dinner last night (which was a complete fail, but the beer was good...and really, all I wanted was a tasty pint), I rifled through my purse for chapstick only to be surprised by a lovingly crumpled note from my son.
In green magic marker and adorable first-grade handwriting, the words: "I love u."
Loopy little hearts and scrawly grinning stick figure. Plentiful X's and O's.
Awwwww.
Earlier yesterday, he asked if I was going to use my purse at all.
"Yeah, I'm sure I will."
"Okay. Just wondering."
The note made my night.

Bad Songs on Repeat:
Bad songs...the worst...have been stuck in my head all week long.
I can't even admit which songs they are.
Trust me...so, so bad.
Make it stop.

11/11/11 (Make a wish):
Hmmmm...that's an easy one.

managing sloth

2011-11-10T10:30:00.002-05:00

For a solid 90 minutes this morning, I acted like a responsible adult (made breakfast for my son, packed a lunch, walked to the bus stop). It's my day off after a super-busy stretch at work this week and I have an agenda:

be still
be lazy
ignore responsibilities
ignore projects
ignore laundry
ignore phone
drink tea
charge lights
ride bike
drink beer

In that order.

Addendum:
I am dutifully following my agenda (as my lights charge). In fact, I just took laziness to a whole new level. After a hot bath, I put pajamas on.
At 2pm.
It's Thursday.
I'm not sick.
I'm not distraught.
I'm quite content drinking hot chocolate under a down blanket while the wind howls outside.
Guess I'm saving my energy to rip Bill's legs off at Marsh Creek later ;)

perfect night for a ride

2011-11-09T06:33:00.000-05:00

So, the aircraft carrier-sized asteroid didn't crash into the Earth (as my son feared) and it felt a little like summertime last night.
With our lights barely charged, we took full advantage of the perfect weather.
Soon, shorts will give way to leg warmers...then, tights...then, shoe covers...
Not yet, thankfully.

again

2011-11-06T15:04:00.000-05:00

I didn't race this weekend.
I spent Friday night in the ER with a migraine that started on my bike.
In the woods.
Alone.
The progression of nuisance headache to full-bore migraine only took a matter of minutes and appeared without any of the typical warning signs.
The climb back up to the grassy field had to be the most feeble and desperate I have ever felt on my bike.
It was so bad I don't remember navigating my way back to the lot and I could barely speak when I called my mom for help.
I could not see clearly, let alone drive a car.
In all my years of riding, I've never had to call my mom to come pick me up.
That's the last time I venture out on a solo ride to shake off a "headache."

If this is getting old to you, imagine how frustrated I feel.

I learned two things in the ER:
Migraines can be induced with strenuous exercise (ie mountain biking).
Atheletes have "valve-y veins" (I still think it's kinda funny whenever I am referred to as an athlete...although, nothing was funny Friday night).

do we have to?

2011-11-03T21:34:00.000-04:00

I don't want to turn the clock back this weekend.
I don't want the days to be shorter.

I know, I know...I can charge my lights blah blah blah...
Night rides blah blah blah...

Shorter days just make me want to hibernate.

I'm getting married in five months.
I have my dress...I love it. I wake up and think about it in the middle of the night.
I think about a dress in the middle of the night.
We have a super-awesome super-special sentimental place to get hitched.
I wake up and have this vision of our place...I think about that in the middle of the night.
I think about April.
We are getting married outside.
It could be a rainy, messy, muddy day.
I guess I'll have to get some cute Hunter boots just in case.

We have friends who are lending their talents & creativity.
We have ideas and motivation.
We are trying not to spend a ton of cash...it's a wedding. A party.
Not a spectacle.
I'm kinda stuck on where to have the party/reception...we want good food, room to spread out & dance & carouse & all that good stuff.

I just really really really don't want to turn the clock back an hour.
Leave in the dark, home in the dark...

step away from the twizzlers/snickers/junior mints/laffy taffy/m&ms

2011-11-02T20:34:00.000-04:00

Darth Rob

In the past eight hours, I have eaten my weight in Halloween candy.
I can't stop.

The woods were extra creepy tonight.
Lurkers lurking.
Creepsters creeping.
Yeah...I'm glad I didn't head out solo.
My legs have definitely not recovered since Sunday, but a lethargic and creepy ride is better than no ride at all.

candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy candy...

Star Rock Cross ("Go, Lisa! Go, Lisa!")

2011-10-30T20:38:00.002-04:00

photo courtesy of Pete Carr (via Lisa Staub on FB...thanks for the great shot!)

I accidentally wore one of his jerseys today

I don't know Lisa, but seemingly every spectator at Star Rock Cross really wanted her to beat me.
What I heard for forty minutes (in between my own gasping and very attractive heaving breaths):
"Crush her, Lisa!"
"Come on, Lisa!"
"Get her, Lisa!!"
"Go, Lisa!"
"You're right there, Lisa!"
"Stay on her wheel, Lisa!"
"LISA!!!!!!!!"
Wow.
I found myself shouting, "Come on, Kimmy!" at one point, which made yet another Lisa fan chuckle.
Lisa dropped me when I tangled with a wooden stake, but I caught her before the run-up (the "real" run-up, not the roughly 60 percent of the rest of the course which was a ~~crawl~~ ~~claw~~ ~~walk~~ ~~stagger~~ run-up.
Oh, Lisa...
We battled it out for nearly half of the second lap (oh, the first lap was the bell lap...no, seriously...we only did two laps).
Two laps.
Two brutally, ruthlessly muddy wet cold grassy snowy hilly windy laps.
Oh, Lisa...
On the finishing straight/mud pit, I hopped off and started pushing my bike up the final stretch, with Lisa breathing down my neck.
For a hasty, ill-advised second, I hopped back on my bike & tried like mad to ride to that finish...
No.
"Kim, she's right there!!"
Kim?! Awww...somebody was cheering for me. (BP? Bill?)
With that, I dismounted & "ran" to the orange line.
It was the slowest, most churn-y "sprint" ever.
In fact, that was the hardest freaking finishing stretch EVER.
Upon crossing the line, I happily collapsed into the snow.
Exasperated & exhilarated.
"That was the most exciting race of the day!" I heard the official say.
Shucks.
Oh, Lisa...girl, you really pushed me way harder than I thought I could go today.

Thank you, Cycle Works, for the Little Cross Race that Could.
Up against one of the best MAC races & under pretty severe conditions (even by the most objective cross standards), you guys pulled off a supremely fun event.
I'm glad I decided at 4:58 yesterday afternoon, "Why not?"

snow-covered

2011-10-29T15:02:00.001-04:00

October snow day.
What in the frigging frig?
Sorry for ruining you so badly, planet Earth.
What we did today as inches and inches and inches of sleety raw snow fell from the gray sky:

watched "Teen Witch" (top that)
braved Target and lost the game I like to call "Make It Out of Target ~~Alive~~ Under a Hundred Bucks"
wasted a lot of time contemplating which Halloween candy to purchase (skittles...taste the rainbow, twizzlers, blow pops, 3 Musketeers...one of my faves, and of course the Fun Mix which includes those weird Tootsie Roll "midgies" what the??)
ate a fantastic creme-filled doughnut...I usually don't crave doughnuts, but today I needed one and it was amazing.

I'm pretty excited about this day.
It's been such a sh*tty, strange week peppered with a few great rides, a fun Halloween parade, and plenty to laugh about...but...
But, I've been so down and sleep-deprived and out of sorts and moody.
Last night, it all came crashing down in an ugly-crier fury as I sat balled up against the vanity on the bathroom floor in the throes of a migraine.
Thank. God.
Thank god thank god thank god for that migraine because the past few days make perfect sense now.
sigh
Clearly, it had been building and I just didn't recognize it...phew.
So, when the sirens blared inside my head and my jaw started tingling and the nausea pulled at my stomach, I was relieved & thankful to simply lie in bed with my head under the pillow.

So.
With the snow came newfound energy and a much better mood.
Still...what in the frigging frig??

Side note/interesting fact: Tootsie Roll Industries produce all their candy in a completely nut-free facility. That includes Charleston Chews, Dots, Junior Mints, Sugar Daddies, and Double Bubble to name a few...My kid has a fatal peanut allergy, so this is a big deal to me, especially this time of year. Tootsie Roll Industries, you rock.

smooth shorts

2011-10-28T09:12:00.001-04:00

homemade costumes kick ass

I was the bad mom at the bus stop this morning.
Every kid was bundled up (did you happen to notice the SNOW in the forecast this morning?) except my son, shivering in "smooth shorts."
What are smooth shorts?
Smooth shorts are athletic-y shorts/gym shorts/basketball shorts...Max calls them "smooth shorts."
Okay.
Today is the Halloween parade at school...my son and I crafted a badass Day of the Dead skeleton costume. The kids were instructed to bring their costumes IN A BAG to school. Max doesn't want to strip down to his skivvies in front of his entire first grade class...can't blame him.
"Smooth shorts, mom...I'll wear smooth shorts to school and put my skeleton legs on over them. It'll be fine."
"It's really cold out, Max."
"Mom."
So, I got some dirty looks at the bus stop.

That costume is so badass.
Halloween is no joke around here.

sunday monday tuesday

2011-10-26T06:54:00.001-04:00

My son punched a girl in the gut the other day.
Hold on.
Max is hardly a bully. Or mean or rough for that matter.
All the neighborhood boys were out front, running wild playing tackle something. Probably tackle baseball or tackle soccer.
Seriously.
I don't know...they range in ages 6 to 10...there are tons of boys. Everything becomes a weapon and every game involves tackle "fight" wrestle tackle...
There is a little girl who is always holding her own, right there in the mix.
She is also six and she is a badass...she rides her bike faster than all the boys, she yells louder, and she bunny hops the manhole covers on her tiny purple two-wheeled Trek.
From the sidelines, I watched the mass of kids running and rolling in the grass, getting their fill of a beautiful short-sleeved late October dusk...
Then Max punched the girl in the gut and even though she "hit" him first and the punch merely looked like a reaction (like the time I instinctively SLAPPED my kid so hard on the ass when he bit me upon taking him out of the bathtub)...I was horrified to see my sweet little peacemaker punch a GIRL in the gut.
Immediately, she ran screaming to her mom and I summoned Max to go apologize, "With eye contact, sincerely, so she can hear you!"
It was time to go inside for dinner and I said, "Tomorrow when you get off the bus, you are NOT to play outside with your friends. You will spend the afternoon in the house."
A fair punishment for a six year-old, right?
Mainly, I wanted my message to be clear...play something that doesn't involve fighting, NEVER hit a girl.
Of course the tears started flowing because of course he was mortified that he hurt his friend and of course I had to explain that I was disappointed with the behavior, but of course I love him and jesus christ let's eat our dinner and move on.

Needless to say, he got the message.
It's not often that I have to lay down the law or discipline my child...he really is that good.
I've been warned that I'll eat those words when the teenage years hit, but I'm not so sure.
I have a good feeling about this kid.

Our entire little family has been out of sorts all week...I don't know what it is.
Bill is sick.
I've been in a funk.
Max is clearly fighting something himself...he seems tired and bleary, too.

Yesterday the clouds parted.
Bill and I got out on the bikes together for a perfect fall evening ride.
We rode past the ruins, where we will be married, without stopping, without wasting daylight.
Back home, we enjoyed too much pasta and listened to Max tell us about music class and a math game and something funny that his friend did at lunch.
Max read "5 Little Pumpkins" to us from his black & white composition book.
He's reading.
And my friends sent me a pair of shiny red shoes.
shiny. red. shoes.

The rest of this week is going to be so much better.

on repeat

2011-10-22T18:18:00.000-04:00

I love October.

Because yesterday was awesome and worth repeating, this morning found me back at French Creek for Take Two.

My dad & I started from Hopewell Lake and strung together a perfect nearly two-hour loop.

It had been a while since I hit the trails with BP and I'm sure he was happy to ride without lap cards for a change, too.

Halloween is fast approaching.

My stockpile of candy is growing (when the 31st looms nearer, I'll start buying the candy I actually like).

once in a while...

2011-10-21T15:54:00.000-04:00

No starting grid.
No last row call-ups.
No numbers to pin.
No nerves.

Just me in the woods on my Salsa.
(hardtail, little wheels)
Crunchy leaves.
Sunshine burning off the gray clouds.
Arm warmers.

Apparently, six days off the bike left my legs feeling pretty fresh.
In fact, I believe I was breaking those rocks apart and devouring the woods with my sheer singletrack prowess today.

Okay...that may be a slight exaggeration.
Sometimes even I have One of Those Rides.
Sometimes even I rule the trails.

Crankiness averted.

crankiness

2011-10-20T20:07:00.000-04:00

It's been 5 days since I've been on my bike or done anything active.
It's getting cranky up in here.

Between wrestling the mountain of laundry, motoring through a very busy week at the office, nursing my sick kid back to health, and feeding my family a week's worth of awesome dinners, I admit I am ~~kinda~~ wiped out...

I need a massage and a really hoppy IPA and a long ride in the woods and a quiet hour to nap and maybe a cute pair of new shoes...
Not necessarily in that order.

Send reinforcements, please.

hi there

2011-10-18T13:53:00.001-04:00

Perusing blogs is one of my favorite ways to ~~waste time~~ unwind.
Some blogs inspire me.
Some blogs make me laugh.
Some blogs make me feel like I am not alone in trying to be a great mom and having a rough go at it sometimes.
Some are my old standbys...and the reason why I started my own blog in the first place.
Recently, I was lucky enough to share my Blind Date from Hell story with Elle as a guest poster on her rad blog, This Is Mommyhood.
Although Hardtales began as an outlet for race reports and my love of riding, it has evolved into a candid glimpse at my everyday...if you've been around for a while, you probably watched my marriage crumble & my world fall apart in many ways.
Maybe you stuck around long enough to see me pick up the pieces and move on.
You may have witnessed a breakthrough season or two on the bike, only to find me relegated right back to the back of the pack again.
You may have also seen my son morph from a wily toddler into a pretty fantastic First Grader (he's still okay with me sharing stories about him here...for now).
In any case, I appreciate all the insight/feedback/comments/encouragement along the way...sometimes being a blogger is a tricky thing, yet it always incites a bit of joy when a reader chimes in here or in real life.
Thanks for reading...

trash bag cloaks & stick wands (aka Magic)

2011-10-17T18:28:00.000-04:00

Doesn't get much better than catching your kid in their element, just doing their thing...

Granogue Day One

2011-10-16T08:54:00.001-04:00

"I'm going to pin my number and line up and see how the race goes. My headache is going to go away and I'm not going to be last. I'm going to get on my bike and go hard and have some fun out there."

post-Granogue pumpkins

Oh, the things we tell ourselves as we ready our minds and bodies for 40 minutes of suffering.

Start position: Last Row (thank you, random call-ups)
Position going onto the grass: Last place
Position at 1st turn: 3rd from last (woot...makin moves all over the place)
And that was pretty much the excitement of the day...passing two women (one of whom pitted and proceeded to catch and quickly drop me before we even reached the green house)

I was gaining on Christy (who I battled with at Charm City) and managed to squeak by her on the tower side as she tangled with the tape.
As I surged down and proceeded to wash out on the long, grassy descent, my body hit the ground, bounced and skidded to a halt...
Without hesitation, I jumped back on the bike, but Christy was gone. Grass was jammed into my left shifter and my entire body was groaning with discomfort. By the time I reached the barriers, I awkwardly dismounted and stumbled over them.
Stumbled.
Over the barriers.
In the Elite race.
Awesome.
For two more laps, I focused on staying ahead of BadKat, who was sporting the most intimidating yellow shoes I have ever seen.
Crossing the finish line (upon getting lapped by LVG), I realized I had chipped a molar when my face met the ground.
That's cross and that's my final MAC race this season.

here's the "Even though..." part:
Even though I gloriously wiped out in front of a rather large audience (including my fiance and future father-in-law), I'm proud of the fact that I jumped back in and finished.
2nd to last, nonetheless.

People got hurt badly at Granogue yesterday.
I am thinking of Trevor and his wife and daughter.
I can't imagine getting the phone call saying your husband was caught in a nasty pileup and had to be airlifted to the nearest hospital.
From what I've heard, both men are coherent and going to be okay.
My teammate, Cati, also ended her season with a painful knee injury (two minutes into her race)...
I know she'll recover and I know she'll be back for more cross.
We can't stay away...
That's cross.

today we race/tonight we carve

2011-10-15T09:38:00.000-04:00

2010

blowing up the kitchen

I'm trying to conjure some enthusiasm for a muddy cross race today, trying to find my inner bad ass...
where is she??

I've woken up with a terrible headache and a blah attitude.
That simply just won't do.

Get. It. Together.

Elixir of Happiness

2011-10-14T17:58:00.000-04:00

Best cocktail ever.
Spent a lovely morning with my mom doing the bride-to-be thing...
I tried on one dress and that was it.
It's mine, it's here, and it's perfect.

My bag is packed for Granogue.
My bag is bursting at the seams with all manner of gear for every possible condition and temperatures.
For muddy pre-rides and warm-ups and the race itself...
I'm ready and I'm excited.

Holy hail & black skies...that weather was ridiculous today!
If my front yard is any indication of what tomorrow will bring, I am soooo in for it.
Squashy marshy wet muddiness.
I'm hoping for anything but a last row start and my goal for the race is simple:
Finish.

Thursday Morning

2011-10-13T09:00:00.000-04:00

Getting ready for school, Max remarks, "Wow, mom, so much to be excited about!"
"Like what?"
"Like today I get to buy my snack and I have art class after school and I get to trade Pokemon cards on the bus and I had a waffle with VERMONT maple syrup on it aaaaaand..."
"You mean there's more?"
"Yeah. And tomorrow is Friday and that means I am a parent pick-up because I am going to the doctor and that probably means I get a shot and that means I get to go to Target. Riiiight?"
So much to be excited about, indeed.
Phew...
We didn't even get to the part about the kid's race or carving pumpkins or Harry Potter Weekend in Chestnut Hill.
My head is spinning.
Why?

Granogue Weekend Must Be Approaching...

2011-10-12T19:30:00.000-04:00

Because it's raining.
Guess what? They claim it's "America's Toughest Cross Race," and I tend to agree.
Yes, I have only been racing cross for a mere 4(? ) years and I have hardly raced every cross race in the country (although I am proud to say my cross pursuits have brought me to races up & down the East coast and as far afield as Kansas City and Oregon...not bad for a girl who's afraid to fly)...

Granogue is tough.
With the soaking rains beginning to fall, I imagine it will be tough and muddy.
What is Granogue without mud anyway?

Wedding dress shopping was a complete fail last week.
(Yes, we just went from muddy races to gowns...just skip this bridal nonsense if you wish)
I looked at every dress on display and grimaced /smirked/frowned/laughed at each and every one.
Sigh.
It's not like I have a vision of the perfect dress.
Quite the contrary.
I'm waiting for something to hit me...it will.
We set a date, we found a place and I am so beside myself with excitement...
yay!

Townhall Cross (PA Series 2011)

2011-10-09T16:46:00.001-04:00

Townhall Cross was my kind of course...
Grassy (green, green grass and plenty of it)
Elevation gain galore (hello there, St.Luke's "staircase")
Challenging turns (tight and tricky)
Great vibes
I like the PA series...

Yesterday, I actually raced.
I was likely last among any of the Cat 2 women, but I was 8th overall of the 22 women who started together.
Starting in the last row is getting kind of old, I'll admit.

4 races into my 2011 cross season and I have learned this:
I am a great bike handler with a huge love of the sport lacking power and Elite-level fitness right now.
I am so okay with this.
Racing among the 1/2/3/4 field (and being beat handily by a few B women) gave me a boost because once again I was racing and trading spots and making moves, rather than turning myself inside out to simply not get lapped or not be last.
I'm glad these smaller series exist to afford that kind of balance and keep it fun.
Because what's fun about cross is being in the thick of it...being in the mix and going all out.

I learned something else from Townhall Cross:
Being 36 means feeling completely sapped after racing for 45 minutes in the glorious sunshine.
After feasting on fantastic Indian food & a bottle of Saison du Pont, I barely made it to 9pm with eyes hardly open.
I have tan lines from a race in October and that is the best prize yet.

cross races & wedding gowns

2011-10-07T12:28:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I race...tomorrow I give it yet another Cat 2 go.
Townhall is a new venue to me.
I didn't pre-reg, I skipped cross practice this week in favor of a ride in the woods, and I did my "openers" this morning on my SS (again, in the woods).
Did I mention I'm meeting my mom and brother for lunch at some shady Chinese restaurant this afternoon?
I am switching up my pre-race routine.
What?

After lunch, I'm going to look at wedding dresses.
holy sh*t.
We're getting married in six months...six months from today.
I'm going to look at dresses.

kid stuff

2011-10-05T20:32:00.000-04:00

"Max, why is your sweat shirt all bloody? Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"
"No. Danny had a bloody nose on the bus. I gave him my sweatshirt...it's okay, it doesn't zipper all the way anymore anyway."

First graders are so kind.

A pack of Kleenex will find its way into the front pouch of Max's backpack, though.

too happy to go hard?

2011-10-02T14:17:00.000-04:00

for Karen

F*ck yeah, BP!!

too much cowbell

Hillbilly Hustle 2011...
sigh.
After a great/strong/confident start, I went from front-ish of the pack to DFL by the third turn.
What. the. frig.
What happened?
I don't know.
An injury I suffered earlier this week didn't faze me...in fact, I felt absolutely great today.
I felt healthy and rested and strong and fit.
My bike was completely fine in spite of the grit and mud and slop.
What. the. frig.

How bad did I just want to throw in the towel and bail?
The only only only reason I stuck it out was for Max.
Max woke up in a super-cheerful mood (as always, bless his freaking heart) at 5:15 ON HIS OWN so he would have a few minutes to play with his Legos before our ass-crack-of-dawn departure for NJ.
"Pack a cowbell for me, mom. And snacks!"
So...there I was, determined at the very least to put on a good show for my very enthusiastic Number One Fan.
I think we called these "teachable moments" back when I was getting my Early Childhood Ed degree.
Yes.
A teachable moment, indeed.
See? I'm dead last...I'm trying my best, even though it may not look that way, and I am covered in black mud and I am going to keep going til the end...

With that, I picked off one competitor in my field and was promptly lapped by the leader of the B race.
Aaaaah, cross...I'm so much better at you when my life is a mess.

1001

2011-09-30T17:45:00.000-04:00

been at this for a while now...

high highs/low lows

2011-09-30T15:50:00.001-04:00

Post-vacation blues?
Who knows...
I've got no reason to be down and very little to worry about, but the Funk was here upon waking.
I know, I know...
September brings shorter days and sleepless nights. Always.
Genes.
All that good stuff.
I know.
Which brings me some consolation...it's not me. (though, it is me)

Anyway.

I split a snake in two this afternoon on Sunset Hollow Road and that made me feel awful.
Right near the farm with the sign.
Ugh.

that is a bacon chocolate chip cookie to go, in case you were wondering

awful awful awful.
For the rest of my ride, I was all crazy-angry-hammer-hammer-pant-hammer-hammer-pant.
Very attractive, indeed.
Now I feel a million times better.

Hey.
I We have a wedding to plan.
Although I may have been down this road before (and I'll elaborate on that sometime soon...my thoughts about getting married again, the whole nine) Bill sure hasn't...it's a big deal and we're going to do it right.
I am giddy when I think about being his wife.
I am giddy when I think about The Dress.

pictures and words (Vermont 2011)

2011-09-28T19:17:00.000-04:00

About to enjoy some of the best trails ever with some of my favorite people

Trout River takeover

me & Kathleen

ducking under the lines (Maple syrup lines, duh)

there they go...

He just asked me to marry him!

the Inn (our digs for Sunday night, after two nights in the lean-to)

date night (guys, I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!!)

the Inn at Mountain View farm

overlooking Lake Willoughby (guys, I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!!)

Newport VT

celebratory drinks on the lake

Ron & Kathleen

my fiance (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Vermont was full of surprises this year.

It still hasn't completely sunk in yet.

Heaven's Bench

2011-09-25T16:39:00.000-04:00

and it's ti...

I love surprises.

be back in a few...

2011-09-23T00:26:00.000-04:00

Now it's time to take a break and enjoy some mountains and trails and campfires and friends and Trout River brews and the first days of fall...

where I'll be

making it happen

2011-09-21T20:43:00.000-04:00

Another rainy practice (this time at Location B).
"I'm not feeling very inspired," my dad grumbled as we geared up and set off on a warmup lap.
"Neither am I."
How many hot laps until our sour attitudes turned around?
One.
Practice is like that.
Location B has a brutal run-up, a long staircase of railroad ties and busted pavement on a steep hill.
I'm going to keep working that awful awful awful run-up...
"You responded really well to every attack," my dad said.
"Thanks. It's only taken me, what? Four seasons to finally start to get the hang of this?"

photo courtesy of Anthony Skorochod via FB...thanks for all the work you do for us narcissistic racers!

Can't wait for that Hillbilly Hustle!

the Monday after a double cross weekend...

2011-09-19T20:29:00.001-04:00

my dad

Anne Rock

not Violet (but, sure looks/sounds like her)

oh, just Marla Streb

and Dennis

Breyla & Harlow minding Evie's dogs

The Monday after a double goes something like this:

when the alarm sounds at 5:35am, I give myself an extra 20 minutes of sleep
the usual breakfast of a Lara bar won't suffice...real food, please! NOW!
the drive to work is a blur...how did I get here?
the two flights of stairs to the office are now The Amphitheater of Pain
the usual lunch of a yogurt and granola won't suffice (but, has to)
the afternoon is a blur...how did I get here?
the mood is light, but the legs are kinda heavy
Breakfast is for dinner (bacon! eggs! taters! oh, my!)
bed time can't come soon enough

How about you?

Charm City Day Two

2011-09-19T06:42:00.000-04:00

On paper, Day Two was anything but stellar for me.
The course, mostly reversed with a few subtle changes, was without Saturday's mud.
Faster.
I, however, was not faster.
The group I started with began to pull away little by little into the 2nd lap...I didn't have the same confidence in the turns that I felt the previous day (which is silly, because the course was dry this time around).
Heidi and I traded wheels for a bit until I overtook her on after the road crossing to the ball fields.
My goals were simple:
Don't get lapped (by the Euro pros & LVG, nbd)
Don't be last
Approaching the finishing straight on the bell lap, I was pulled (with the 80% rule in effect) as the leaders were gaining on me and about to complete their race.
"What you'd do? Bail so you could watch the sprint?" My dad said as I rolled up to the finish (off course).
"Um, no, I got pulled."
Duh, BP.
And I did get to watch Laura outsprint the Belgian for second place, which was awesome.
As for me, I met my goals (although, really...getting pulled vs getting lapped?).
I learned a few valuable lessons about racing and will continue to refine some of my techniques and tactics based on the wisdom shared with me over the weekend.
Even though I struggled yesterday, I still had fun (how can you not have fun at Charm City?)...
and I intend to see this through all season long, back of the pack and all.

Charm City Day One (I Told Me So...)

2011-09-17T20:42:00.014-04:00

okay, but what the FRIG is this kick?? Gee whiz, I am sorry you guys had to see this...

I'm way too destroyed and elated to offer up anything other than this:
It's good to be back, in any capacity...
That was the most fun I have had on my cross bike in a very long time.
The love I have for this particular kind of bike racing is too big to waste...(plus, the bike itself is pretty sweet, you know? I worked really, really hard for that bike way back when).

So.
Back at tomorrow.
Good night & thanks for reading.

Kickass Dough

2011-09-16T14:54:00.000-04:00

This is how I relax sometimes and it also happens to yield a wonderful (and wonderfully easy) dinner.

Assemble these ingredients for kickass, super-ridiculously-easy pizza dough:

Approx 4 to 5 C flour in a large bowl (shake it through a sifter as it goes into your bowl...I never actually measure the flour, I just kinda pour heaping handfuls one at a time into my sifter/sieve)
1 beaten egg and a drizzle of olive oil (I usually combine these in a mug)
A generous palm-ful of sea salt
Half a bottle of beer
a pint of tepid water
1 packet rapid-rise yeast
honey

So.
In a large measuring cup (I have a 32 oz heavy-duty Pyrex that's perfect for this, because you'll end up pouring this stuff slowly in a bit), I usually combine my half-bottle of beer and my tepid water, add the yeast, then stir til it dissolves. Drizzle some honey in there to feed the yeast. You'll want some of the tepid water on reserve.
If you have a Kitchenaid stand mixer, awesome...Use it with the dough hook.
If not, awesome...make a pile of your flour on a clean surface with a well in the middle for your wet ingredients (this is so messy, but the way my grandmom taught me and such fun, you guys).
Add the salt to your flour.
Combine the egg/olive oil with your flour first...then slowly add your yeast/beer mixture(if you are using the mixer, use a slow speed and gradually pour in your liquid...if you are doing it by hand, gradually pour your liquid into the well & incorporate the pile of flour from the outside in)...
You'll use at least an entire pint of beer/yeast Water and if the dough is still dry, add more tepid water LITTLE BY LITTLE.
The dough should be elastic-y and supple...Remove the big clump of dough from the mixer at this point, because the kneading must be done by hand (don't cheat & let the Kitchenaid "knead" it, the mixer is only used to incorporate all your shtuff and get it going).
Knead the dough (just keep turning it over & onto it itself, keep making it into a ball, working it working it working it ...give it some love for a few minutes, but don't overdo it or your dough will be tough).
Let the ball of dough rise in a large bowl, covered with a dish towel (preferably the tea-towel kind...I don't know why, but it just works).
The dough should rise in about two hours, but you can let it sit there longer.
When you are nearly ready to make some pizza magic, preheat your oven to 425F degrees.
Any old cookie sheet will do, but ~~my mom's~~ mine happens to be the round kind with little holes all over it.
Remove your dough from its bowl (it will deflate a little when you take it out and knead it again...that's normal).
I roll my dough out with a badass heavy-duty old school wooden rolling pin sometimes...
Sometimes, I stretch & shape it by hand.
Either way works and either way produces an awesome result. The rolled out version is usually thinner and crispier...just sayin.

Top it with whatever your little heart desires and bake in your hot oven...keep an eye on it (usually takes ten to fifteen minutes for the crust to become golden-brown).
Let that beautiful pizza rest for a few before slicing/digging in...so. freaking. good.

What I put on ours last night:
Pizza #1: sundried tomato chicken sausage (browned and crumbled up first), sundried pesto, roasted garlic, some kind of fancy mild Italian cheese from Wegman's (it was sheep's milk, I don't know what it was called, but it melted beautifully).
Pizza #2 (the better of the two, in my opinion): homemade basic basil pesto, roasted garlic, Pecorino, goat cheese, pepitos (pumpkin seeds), cracked pepper, red pepper flakes, copious crunchy salt, and an all-over drizzle of honey

Disclaimer: My dough always comes out perfect. I never make it the same way (last night I used Rogue Amber Ale, sometimes I use Victory Hopdevil or Terrapin Hopsecutioner)...Sometimes I use two packets of yeast, sometimes it only rises for the bare minimum. All I know is, my grandmom showed me the basics when I was a kid and I am certain she sends some kind of crazy-ass dough-blessing down to my kitchen every single time I make pizza.

practicin'

2011-09-14T15:19:00.001-04:00

it is GPOYW, after all

So.
I'll be the girl not wearing a skinsuit, gasping and red-faced, at the back of the pack.
Who the frig cares?
I love it as much as the girl who is winning.

true to form

2011-09-13T13:22:00.000-04:00

Scrambling at the last minute to sort out my license and shell out a bunch more cash to race race race...
I just can't stay away and Charm City is too great to miss out on.

I should have been at Nittany and now it's time to get my season started.
Yay, cross!

lemonade

2011-09-11T20:15:00.000-04:00

Jim Thorpe in favor of the Coal Cracker Classic in Tamaqua.

Solid decision, amazing ride.

Cheers to last-minute adventures.

nbd

2011-09-11T05:36:00.002-04:00

At 3am (or 3:12...3:17...), I wake up and can't go back to sleep.
Four nights in a row now.
No biggie...
there have been times when this goes on for weeks or worse, months.
No biggie.
I try to go back to sleep.
It doesn't work.
I take a benadryl, get out of bed and read or drink some water and watch bad TV.
By 5, I am usually drowsy enough to go back to sleep for an hour.
This morning, however, I'm too anxious to go back to sleep.
We're leaving at 7 for a race.
Not a cross race.

I'm tired and anxious.
I can sleep on the way home, right?

It's 9/11.
My son asked about the planes "crashing into that really tall building in New York City."
He said he saw a picture online of the building after it crumbled.
"Did you ever see that, mom?"
He asked if he was born yet.
"No. Not yet. Not for a few more years."
I told him a little bit about the day and he was kind of stuck on the fact that there were no planes in the sky and no cell phone service...that everywhere was quiet and not unlike a ghost town, that there was nothing but news news news on TV for a while.
I could see his wheels turning and I recognized that look in his eye.
Because when I was six, I was afraid of stuff, too...
I was afraid of the sun blowing up and WW3 and nuclear power and being snatched up by a stranger and even vampires...I remember like it was yesterday.

And on a different scale, I suppose these things are part of why I wake up at 3 and can't go back to sleep...I still worry.
Just not about vampires or the sun blowing up.

9/11 was a Tuesday and I was two months into my training as an orthodontic assistant.
When the first plane hit, I was in the middle of my first solo diagnostic records appointment (which means I was in a private room with a patient taking their photos, x-rays, and impressions).
When I emerged from the records room & walked out the patient, the office was eerily quiet.
The operatory was still, silent (so weird for an otherwise bustling Tuesday morning).
I made my way back to the operatory, to find most of the staff crowded around Dr.Wilkes' tiny TV in the doctor's shared office.
We were unable to reach most of our families.
At lunch, I drove around aimlessly with my radio on (they had turned it off at work).
I was mad that we were finishing our day, business as usual.
I could not believe patients were coming in after school for wire adjustments and retainer checks.

That Friday, my day off, I went to a service at St.Agnes church by myself.
I don't go to church, but it felt good to be among people and just listen to song & prayer...
I was twenty-six.
I remember watching MTV sometimes that week to escape the news, as nothing else was on.
Even MTV was weird...stuff from the vault I had never seen before. I mean, I didn't even know there was a video for Bob Marley's "One Love."
I wasn't a mom yet.

So...a mountain bike race today.
No big deal.
Clearly, there are bigger things to worry about or lose sleep over other than being the last girl to cross the finish line or having to get off my bike for something tricky or intimidating.

so easy to lose perspective sometimes, isn't it?

sparks

2011-09-08T06:27:00.000-04:00

I was reunited with barriers and mud and grit and wet grass and and sloshy turns and tricky chicanes and cantilever brakes and soaking shoes last night...
When it was all over, I found myself wanting more.
Soon.
Even if it means starting in the last row.
Even if it means turning myself inside out to simply not get lapped...

Seems I've got some scrambling to do before Sunday.

wondering

2011-09-05T20:39:00.000-04:00

photo courtesy of his dad, Jeff

Wondering what he'll be into...
what he'll be good at...
what he'll be afraid of (other than the usual kid stuff now like thunderstorms and peanuts)...
what he'll be when he grows up...

I don't know how it all happens so quickly, so fleetingly...
I only know there's no use trying to slow it down.
Already in the throes of first grade, of packed lunches and homework and what-do-you-want-to-wear-to-school and tying shoes and riding a two-wheeler...in just one week of this, he's grown up more and more and more.

Slow down, kid.
Just, like, a couple notches.
Thanks...

Bear Creek Pre-Ride

2011-09-04T13:31:00.000-04:00

that's all I'm gonna say...

twizzlers and sunshine

2011-09-03T08:34:00.000-04:00

After being off the bike for a week, I knew it'd be tough yesterday afternoon.
But.
I had twizzlers in my pocket and sunshine sunshine sunshine.
Fortunately, the trails barely took a beating from Irene.

Roaming around HH at a poky little clip, I felt sharp and together, in spite of my leaden legs.
LazyFriday rides are the best.
And even the laziest of rides aren 't really that lazy...

Rehydrating with Pinot Noir was a bad idea, though.
Bear Creek exploration today.
Holiday Weekend...holla.

does anybody remember Mr.Winkle? I swear he was out there keeping pace behind a fellow rider, panting and skipping jauntily along...

maybe it's time to...

2011-09-01T20:54:00.000-04:00

Reston. Cold

picture courtesy of Anthony

Nationals 2009 (upon unpacking my pedals)

Phelps 2010 (close enough to ride to the venue as my warmup...clutch)

BP (checking my tire pressure)

skinny ass Julz

even Bill does it/did it

Maybe it's time to squeeze a few cross practices in after work one/two days a week...

Maybe it's time to have fun with this again.

Maybe it's time to admit my stint in the CAT2's was a joke and really, I have no business being there, but that doesn't mean I have to give this up.

Maybe it's time to have FUN with this again.

Maybe it's time to have fun. with. cross. again.

make it stop

2011-08-31T09:08:00.000-04:00

So...
it's ~~Tuesday~~ Wednesday and I am missing work (again...I started this post yesterday).
Went in for an hour and decided I'd rather yack at home and spare my coworkers/patients.
so freaking beautiful outside and I am sick.
I wish I was bagging work to ride or do something fun outside, but my conscience has never allowed me to take part in that kind of carefree tomfoolery anyway.
shucks.
Feel sorry for me...I am huddled under a down blanket and contemplating turning on the heat.
sick sucks.
summer sick sucks even worse.
frowny face.

here are some random photos from the archives (I usually never yield to the random photo barrage, but I'm sick and freezing and all alone...waaaaaah):

my brother, his kid, my dad July 2009

Max gettin sharp for Sara's wedding

winter 2009

Christmas 09 in BP's basement (Max discovers the treehouse)

MAC Prom 2009

Bend, Oregon

My brother & Dave the Bass Player

Marci's cheerful yellow Vans

Easter 2010

awesome birthday brownies made with love & creepiness by Lisa, the best kidsitter in the whole world

okay, that's quite enough.
Tylenol cold & flu is giving me a buzz...in a bad way.

How to Weather a Hurricane and its Aftermath (a photo essay)

2011-08-28T11:17:00.001-04:00

sleep through the tornado warnings (preferably in a safe location and with your teddy bear)

stock up on MSR fuel canisters

stock the fridge with hoppy delights (also, fill your cooler with ice in the event of a power outage)

marvel at the storm from the safety of your home

build a fort

check on your loved ones

engineer a scavenger hunt

tinker with your girlfriend's bike (XTR cranks? why, thank you!)

survey the damage (with adult supervision and only when the storm has passed, please)

explore your neighborhood

lastly, find some puddles to jump in!

Hopefully everyone has made it through the storm safely...

Wishing you all dry basements and quickly restored power.

Although there are quite a few projects I could dig into around the house today, I am going to take a pass and enjoy a lazy Sunday with the family.

Our last official day of summer vacation will be spent with an enormous bowl of popcorn and movies movies movies...thanks for reading!

Irene

2011-08-27T13:51:00.000-04:00

Last night at dinner, Ron relayed his memory of Hurricane Gloria when we were kids...
Schools were closed, power was out for a few days.
I knew I could count on him to remember its name.
Who needs Google when you have friends like Ron?
We talked about Floyd.
We talked about Bob (Bob?)...
I recounted my brush with Ernesto (while racing Seven Springs with the appropriately named Mudhoneys).
Now we are braced for Irene...
I love stormy weather and I wonder if this will live up to all the hype...
Rather than scoff at any notions of hurricane preparedness, we actually took the warnings seriously & stocked up on the essentials:
beer
ice
water
bacon
fuel canisters for the camping stove
batteries for the ipod dock

what else could one possibly need?
A pre-hurricane ride, that's what.

The trails at French Creek had a nice greasy feel this morning...not the kind where you're slip-sliding-ping-ponging all over the place, but the kind where you cruise along and just drill the rocks in spite of the moisture.
Perfect.
As for the woods?
Damp and spooky, rife with all kinds of interesting characters out & about, getting their activities in before Irene lashes out later this evening.
We stopped at Target to grab Max's Epi-pen (for school, which starts on MONDAY...holy sh*t, first grader!!!...not going to get into that right now, I promise...this aside is ov-er)...
Wow...mayhem at Target, predictably.
I love creeping on people's carts/baskets, spying their hurricane/disaster essentials...beanbag chairs, gossip mags (me, too), snacks galore, liters of soda (the water aisle was completely wiped out), econo-sized hand sanitizer...good stuff.

Anyway.
That's that, let's see what the next twenty-four hours bring.
I'm guessing not a whole lot...

fancy

2011-08-26T07:46:00.000-04:00

"I wish the maid would get here."
"Huh? Mom, we don't have a maid."
"I know. I don't feel like cleaning the house today."
"Mom, maids don't even exist in houses like this."
"What do you mean?"
"You know, maids clean, like, fancy houses."
"Are you saying our house isn't fancy?"
"Well, you know, we have carpets...fancy houses are like mansions. Not haunted mansions, but nice mansions with, like, tile floors and stuff."

Okay, I know he's not getting these impressions from Adventure Time, so, what the frig? How does he come up with this sh*t?!
And by the way, our spotless carpets are made of spun gold and cashmere, so they are fancy.

O-F-F off (and all over the place)

2011-08-24T21:48:00.000-04:00

Even though I rode well tonight, I felt kinda off...
Maybe it's stress weighing on me...my kid said some pretty heavy stuff the other night and was rather distraught. It breaks my heart when he is worried about something. Even when I think I am handling it well, I still fret that I could be doing better.

Also.
I've got aches and pains from a stupid crash last week...I went down hard and bashed my knee (and sternum and shoulder and elbow...the knee took the brunt of it).
I rode my SS all weekend without a care in the world and aggravated the knee even more.
Smart.
Still a super-fun ride tonight, though.
Neither of us were feeling it, but I'm glad we got out there.
Those woods, those trails are good to me...
I reminded Cati to guilt me into riding if I ever try to bail because I always end up feeling better afterward.
"Just tell me I'm lame and that you don't want to ride alone."
I needed some redemption tonight and that's exactly what I got.
Awkward and a little off, a little distracted...redemption all the same.

Sewell/the D&Q Summer Sizzler is cancelled due to potential fallout from impending Hurricane Irene.
Sorry, but...yay!
Thank you, Irene.
I wasn't afraid to conquer that personal demon (especially after such a non-eventful pre-ride), but I'm kinda ready to wrap it up.

I'm kinda thinking about cross (there are maybe, like, three races I want to dabble in this year) and I'm thinking about arm warmers and crunchy leaves and long meandering rides in the woods...
I'm jumping ahead to Vermont and shorter days and charging lights and carving pumpkins.
I can't help it...my favorite time of year is fast approaching and it makes me smile.

winding down

2011-08-24T06:47:00.000-04:00

With summer vacation winding down in a matter of days, we've been finding little adventures wherever we can.
Highlight of my summer?
Definitely Max learning how to ride his two-wheeler (and loving it).

weekend at Raystown

2011-08-21T20:22:00.000-04:00

Raystown Lake

I sure love my Raleigh (my SS, my only 29er)

Lincoln Caverns

post-ride refreshment

"Where do you want to ride this weekend?"
"I don't know. Where do you want to ride?"
After tossing the usual suspects back and forth (Middle Run/White Clay, FH, French Creek, etc), we decided on a last minute jaunt to Raystown...
Hell. Yes.
What a welcome change of scenery, what a perfect perfect perfect weekend.
Great weather, perfect trails, excellent company.

Have you ever been to Raystown? Have you had the pleasure of exploring the Allegrippis trails?
Do you have a favorite loop or trail?
I can't pick just one, but I could not stop smiling as we rolled through Eagle and Sleek Dog...everything is fun and so incredibly flowing...it's so easy to get lost in the joy of just going going going fast.

There's nothing better than last-minute adventures and effortless road trips with the perfect partner in crime...
amazing trails, balmy August mornings, crackling campfires, starry skies, spooky caves, hot showers, cold pints, well-deserved s'mores...
thank god for weekends like this.

on a whim

2011-08-19T07:25:00.001-04:00

photo courtesy of Tommy O (thanks, I guess)...the creepy van is full of candy & puppies

I texted Bill:
May I please ride with Kathleen @ 4:45? I'll make you scallops for dinner :)
Almost immediately, my phone lit up with a text from Kathleen:
Yes! So excited! No need for scallops though, thank you for the offer! I need to hit the grocery store after. Where should we meet? Can't wait!

Oops. Good thing it was scallops I tried to negotiate/entice with and not something...else.
(and I guess it should be noted that I don't need my BF's permission to ride per se, but I don't want to assume that I can stick him with childcare duty so I can go play in the woods for a couple hours)

Anyway.
What followed was a disastrous ride on my part as I crashtastically followed a very gracious Kathleen on HH's greasiest trails I've ridden in a while.
Aaaah...good times, good times.
Why has it taken over a year and a half for the two of us to venture out on our own "girl's ride"? It's silly, but I was actually nervous riding with her (thus, my numerous gaffes/bungles/crashes).
You know how it is riding with someone new...either you totally slay it and kick the ride's ass or you're a fool, slipping and sliding and fumbling over everything you typically clean with ease.
I swear I don't always ride like this...I swear
Rather than spout excuses or apologies, I wholeheartedly embraced my total lack of skills and just had fun enjoying my favorite trails with one of my favorite people.

Some of my most memorable rides have happened on a whim and this one was a long time coming (and long overdue).

Must Be Wednesday

2011-08-17T21:37:00.000-04:00

I always gush about our local trails.
That's because our trails are awesome.
And the people I am lucky enough to ride with our awesome.

Tonight's line-up:
Me
Cati
Wendy
Rick

Rick led us out on a sprightly loop that brought me back to the good old days when rides with Rick made me cry.
Yes.

2003.
I remember showing up with my dad for a ride at Dtown (back when we had to park in some industrial complex and the trails were raw and maybe not quite legal)...I'm not sure why, but I sensed it was a pretty serious ride and I knew I had no business being there.
After meandering around what is now Harmony Hill Nature Area, we wove our way toward the trestle bridge...I had never ventured this far and had never crossed the bridge.
Tears were streaming down my face because the wind was so ridiculously cold and furious.
Tears were streaming down my face because I was frustrated and embarrassed and sucking.
I had visions of disappearing through one of the gaping holes on the bridge only to meet my demise on some sad stretch of 322, blotchy and frozen and stuck to my Kona.
Somehow, I made it across that bridge and tried my best to keep somebody, anybody in sight...what a brutal ride.
Although there were probably five or six other guys there that day, I only remember Rick & my dad.
I remember Rick's pace and the fact that he waited and made sure I had safely crossed the bridge.
{sigh}... those were the days.

2011
No crying on this ride.

My Wednesday Night Ride is not nearly regular enough.
My Wednesday Night Ride means sneaking in a hard effort, usually just over sixty minutes, covering as much ground as I can within that blissful, short-lived hour.
My Wednesday Night Ride is jammed in between work and kid-shuffling and kid-bedtime...sometimes it works and when it does, it is wonderful.

not soon enough

2011-08-16T06:40:00.000-04:00

We were talking about Vermont last night...

ducking under the lines...mmmmmm, syrup

who comes home from Vermont without maple syrup??
This year, I am bringing some back with me.

We talked about eating breakfast at the Freight House.
And Trout River beer.
And the Maxilla trail.
And Old Webs.
And crunchy leaves.
And being surrounded by mountains...and mountains...and mountains.
And campfires.
And friends.

I. Can't. Wait.

Wrenching

2011-08-14T19:31:00.000-04:00

I mean, look at these two...
Rainy Sunday.
Hanging out in the garage, working on bikes.

Preview

2011-08-13T19:16:00.000-04:00

I don't even know what to say about this...

be nice

"Just keep riding..."

I was relieved it was merely a snake...the way Bill said it, I thought it was a ground nest or something.

Nevermind that I careened toward the snake, arcing away from the trail, expecting a swarm of angry bees.

Sewell was fun this morning.

Fast.

Sandy.

Twisty.

Dry.

What's up with the mulch, though?

Awful lot of mulch in some goofy places...I'm just going to pretend it's Brandywine.

And the sandy turns are Beacon.

And the roots are Sawmill.

Yay for overcoming my nemesis!

date night

2011-08-12T22:09:00.000-04:00

another fine Wednesday

2011-08-10T21:38:00.000-04:00

"Remember when you used to ride like a bull in a china shop? My god..."

his

mine

Cati and I had some serious fun on the trails tonight.

I love that I can say things like, "Remember when you used to ride like a bull in a china shop?" to her and she still wants to ride with me again & again.
It's true...she was a mess back then, back when she rode that yellow ~~jalopy~~ bike. Always breaking sh*t and just charging along all crazy-like...strong, but all over the freaking place.
Not anymore, though.
Nope, not a mess.
Good times.
Nothing like friends that like to talk sh*t on each other/to each other and beat each other up.

And I mean that in the most heartfelt, sincere way possible.

I Love My Cousins

2011-08-07T19:55:00.000-04:00

Rose (a nurse and mother of 4 beautiful children) and Bridget (not a nurse and has adopted a babydoll from Target)

Sewell, Sewell, Sewell...

2011-08-05T11:01:00.000-04:00

still smiling

I need to get over it.
Could have happened anywhere.

My brakes need some love.
I have big plans to hang out with some of my favorite cousins tomorrow involving massive quantities of beer and laughter.
Fast courses are not my strong suit.
I have plenty of ~~reasons~~ excuses to skip this one, but I think I need to do this.
Right?

august fifth (tomorrow)

2011-08-04T13:06:00.002-04:00

While helping my son tackle the insurmountable task of cleaning the playroom, I stumbled upon my wedding album.
Coincidentally, our anniversary is tomorrow...
It would have been eleven years.
Now we see each other on a weekly basis, a brief encounter wherein we do The Kid Exchange.
He's moved on, I've moved on...we've all moved on.

It's weird.
"What's that, mom? Can I see?"
I showed my son a few of the photos in the wedding album.
It's no secret I was married to his dad (duh, Max was three when he moved out)...part of me thought maybe he should see what we were at one time, before he existed.
Kids like that shit.
I guess that's kind of odd, but I am not big on secrets around here...
The last time I kept a big secret was when Jeff and I decided to break up.
I kept it from my parents, my family, my friends for six grueling months out of shame and embarrassment and
frustration and sadness and all that good stuff.

So, the photos.
Han Solo & vintage Bridal Barbie perched atop the cake.
Me, dancing with my grandpop.
"Is that GG? We haven't seen him in a long time."
"Um, that's because he's dead, Max."
"Right, I forgot for a second."
"Mom, you look kinda different, but kinda the same."
"How do you mean?" (loaded question, I know)
"Well, your skin looks, like, smoother in that picture."
"Yeah, well, that's makeup and youth...I was only twenty-five."
Me and my dad in the back yard, all fancied up.
"Grampy looks exactly the same."
Thanks for that.
My brother, when he was lanky.
"Uncle Rob?!"
Me and his dad at the park with our friends...full-on cheesy wedding party photo shoot.
"Hey, I know that place!"

When we broke up, my ex and I figured things out between us and only used a lawyer for paperwork and advice.
Expensive advice.
I don't get alimony or spousal support because I didn't want to rake him over the coals and I didn't want to be beholden to my ex.
Because that would be weird.
Divorce is kinda weird.
I'm divorced.
It's kinda weird...believe me, it has completely sunken in, yet whenever that thought crosses my mind, I kind of shudder at the sound of it.
Even when you know deep down inside that it's just not working, the finality of ending a marriage is a pretty big deal.
It's weird enough to me that we still talk/text/see each other on a regular basis (I mean, obviously we do because we share a kid...duh)...but, when you break up, that's usually it.

August 5th comes and goes and that's that...eleven years ago, we got married and had a kickass reception and I have great pictures of my grandpop tearing up the dance floor.
I have a son.

As for the playroom, my little hoarder is making progress, but we have a long way to go.
He's got that mess catalogued in his sharp little mind like you wouldn't believe..
"I can't get rid of that. Morgan gave it to me for my fifth birthday and so what if it's missing an arm, it was a gift." or, "Yes I DO know where the trapdoor to that vehicle is...it's in the bin with the tiny Army guys in the closet next to bucket of Lego windshields on top of the Playmobil set-up."
And he's RIGHT.

a big deal

2011-08-03T20:03:00.001-04:00

I knew he would get it in his own time.

before dinner

2011-08-02T18:12:00.000-04:00

We've been taking full advantage of the Brandywine this summer.
Recovery from the Darkhorse took place on the water as Bill, Max, and I lazily paddled down the river for hours yesterday.
This evening, before dinner, my son begged Grampy to take him swimming in the river again.
I was content to sit on the banks and watch (this time).

My dad beat me up at Fair Hill this morning.
Must've been the fastest I've ever pushed those trails...I'm gonna die I'm gonna die this is awesome I'm gonna die!

Coals are almost ready and this Headwaters sure tastes good.
Cheers!

Darkhorse 40 2011 (three's a charm)

2011-08-01T16:11:00.000-04:00

lucky charm

Back in August 2007, my dad and I ventured to Newburgh, NY for our first try at the Darkhorse 40 (as a duo, twenty miles each).
While staging for the race, the promoters were shouting out trivia questions.
"Name the founder of WOMBATS and tell me what it stands for."
"Jackie Phelan! Women's Mountain Bike and Tea Society."
I was handed a crisp twenty-dollar bill as a prize for knowing the correct answer (what can I say? I read a lot of Dirt Rag back in the day and had an affinity for the history of mountain biking).
Shortly after pocketing the cash, we were given the go...
That race left such an impression on me.
That particular race, four years ago, remains one of the most fun times I have ever had on bike.
After a memorable adventure and gratifying race with my dad, I scrawled "Darkhorse 40 8/07 Jackie Phelan WOMBATS" on my twenty with an aqua Sharpie.
Every time I've raced since then, that twenty-dollar bill has been stashed in my Camelbak or jersey pocket as a reminder to always push hard and never lose sight of keeping the race fun.
It's the closest thing I have to a good luck charm.

2011:
TBR arrived Saturday in Newburgh, NY three teams strong (Ron & Kathleen, Me & Bill, Mike & Jeff).
After expolring the course, we hit the local shop and made our way to Camp TBR for the night.
Of our accomodations at Cynthia's, Kathleen remarked, "You know when you see something and you're like, Nah, that can't be it, that's too good to be true?"
Yes, it's exactly like that.
I was excited to catch up with Cynthia and share the experience with my friends.
Once again, Cynthia treated us to a perfect homemade pre-race dinner.

Staying at her home is one of my favorite parts of racing the Darkhorse...I'll stop gushing now.

The Race:
I love this event because the trails are fast and flowy with features we don't have much of around here. Although there is not much elevation gain overall, the big shale-y up & overs make for some punchy little climbs. The team format lends itself perfectly for banging out a fast twenty-mile lap (whereas, someone like me would have to slow down considerably in order to pace myself for the full forty miles).
If you ask me, these trails are meant to be enjoyed at their fastest...so. much. fun.

Of our three teams, Bill, Ron, and Jeff went out first.
Bill showed up at the transition and sent me off on my lap about a minute ahead of Ron.
Needless to say, it didn't take long before Kathleen flew by me on the fire road.
"Have fun out there..." she said.
I did have fun out there.
All six of us had fun out there.
And for sharing my story about my lucky twenty-dollar bill with the promoter, I was rewarded with a shiny new set of XTR pedals.
Because that is how the Darkhorse folks roll.

sorry, everybody else, but she's my favorite teammate

candy

2011-07-29T08:02:00.000-04:00

My parents are my neighbors so last night, after my son had gone to bed, I called my mom.
It had been a long day.
"Do you have any treats?"
"Um, no...I've been good."
"Ugh. Not even like tasty cakes or a devil dog or some cookies? I'm desperate." My mom always has treats. Wts?
"I have Pop Tarts."
"Ew, no. That's not a treat."
"I have a Charleston Chew in the fridge, you're welcome to it." don't hate...Charleston Chews are awesome and one of my all-time favorite candies. They are not easy to come by, thank goodness.
"I'll be right over."

Walking home, candy bar in hand, I felt like a kid
(except I was walking back to my own house).
My mom saved my day.
(and Bill's, too...cause, man, was I testy)

crazy-ass dreams

2011-07-28T13:23:00.000-04:00

last summer (before I cut my hair...when I could put it up in a ponytail...sigh)

I keep having dreams that my hair is in a ponytail.
I think I've gone through the awkward part of growing it out this time (in a heat wave, no less), but the summer is not over yet.
Snip snap chop chop...it may get lopped off after all.

Last night, I'd wake up from a nightmare (no, I don't mean the ponytail dreams) only to keep having more...I'd catch my breath, calm down, sleepily shake the fright from my head, and fall back asleep...then, another nightmare.
Again and again and again.
Vivid and terrifying dreams...and they were all here at home and in the street in front of our house.

I had an awesome morning at the museum with my dad, my son, and my nephew.
I miss the adventures and field trips my dad and I would create for Max when I was a stay-at-home mom.

Yay, it just started raining!

so soon?

2011-07-27T18:14:00.000-04:00

It seems like yesterday Bill & I were sitting on the back porch enjoying a pizza and a shared bottle of Saison after the long drive home from Stewart.
I look forward to this race, the Darkhorse 40, all year long.
I love the trails and I love the event.
I love catching up with our gracious host and being welcomed into her beautiful home.
I love escaping for a few days and returning feeling as though I've been on vacation.

Can't wait!

July Is Nearly Over

2011-07-26T20:19:00.000-04:00

I couldn't sleep last night.
I made lists in my head.
Things I want to do when I am off next week.
I tried to think of something thoughtful to bring to Cynthia when we stay at her house this weekend.
I watched Bill and thought about how lucky I am.
I worried about stuff and schemed my way out of some worries.
I wondered why the frig my kid has to be allergic to peanuts.
I thought about Norway.
I thought about that poor boy in NYC who was taken on is way home from camp...wtf??
I thought about summer flying by and the small handful of races I've done.
I dwelled on my DNF at Marsh Creek...I thought about migraines and wondered if maybe I should switch pills or something...I thought about hormones and being on the same pill since I was eighteen (with a brief interim to have a baby)...
sigh...

yesterday at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, I went to the ER for a migraine cocktail because nothing was helping and I couldn't take it anymore.
The triage nurse took my temp & my vitals & asked me basic medical history questions...
I had a low-grade fever.
She sent me to the waiting room with my latex allergy bracelet and my drug allergy bracelet and my ID bracelet.
I dutifully peed in a cup & the registrar said, "Just put it there." She gestured toward the counter next to her.
"Here? With your pepsi?"
"I'm done that anyway."
Gross.

I waited for an hour, couldn't get comfortable...the waiting room was loud and bright and crowded.
There was a man with orange sunglasses and super-short cut-off jeans.
He was leering at me and holding a black garbage bag. He kept going outside to smoke.
It was getting louder and brighter and louder and brighter...
I don't remember driving myself home, but I made it back safely.
The headache went away after dinner.
Finally.

I think I'll ride my bike to work tomorrow.

Three DNFs

2011-07-24T19:54:00.001-04:00

You know, I struggled with this post. There are no less than 5 drafts entitled "DNF" or "Marsh Creek Fail" or some variation of both...it's silly how much I struggled with this.
Then I started wondering what the big deal is.
Who I am writing this to?
Or for?
I write the blog for myself, first, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about it. I'm not sure who the "audience" is outside of the handful of people I know personally (or the "blog-friends" I've made over the years like Rachael and Neil). If you're a reader, by all means introduce yourself. I'd love to know how you got here or why you return.
Seriously.
(can you tell this post is already making me uncomfortable?)
I didn't finish my race last night and I had such mixed feelings about explaining why or what happened.
Here is my best attempt (and a brief history of the races I failed to finish).

One
Where: Sewell
When: 2008 (my inaugural season as an Expert)
Why: broken hand
I crashed hard and I don't remember how it happened. I remember going down scary-hard and scary-fast. I remember lightning bolts of pain in my head and my left hand. I also remember the panic I felt as Lauri and Loretta caught up and assessed me...I spazzed. "Just go. I'll catch up, I'm fine!"
I remember hopping on my bike, quickly aware that I could not move my left hand at all, let alone squeeze the brake lever. Big deal, I won't use the front brake.
I remember shock setting in and quick and sudden chills. I don't remember getting out of the woods, but I vaguely remember handing my bike over to Blake and Karen as I was ushered into the ambulance. "Somebody tell my dad. AFTER his race."
I do remember the lights flickering in the hospital as a nasty thunderstorm brewed outside. I remember the woman in the bed across from me writhing in pain and yelling for drugs. She was trying to kick a recreational Oxycontin habit. "Do you have anything? If they give you something strong, I want it," she said to me. That hospital was scary. I was bummed about my first DNF. I wanted to get out of my sweaty kit. I wanted to get back on my bike and I didn't want my hand to be broken.

Two
Where: Charm City Cross Day Two
When: 2010
Why: stomach bug
In a most unremarkable move, I pulled off course and promptly found a ditch where I could puke my guts out in peace. My first race as a CAT2/Elite found me in the back of the pack, barely hanging on to Lisa's wheel. I didn't have time to think or calm myself or make sense of anything. I just knew I was going to be very very sick in a hurry and made myself scarce lest anyone witness my puketastic display.
I rode back to the car and cried like a baby for quitting my first race of the season, for my first DNF in a cross race, for sucking and not having the chance to settle in and catch back on, for making my dad wait around for hours for my race when I knew full well that I wasn't feeling right and probably shouldn't have even lined up in the first place...
then, got over myself when I realized I had a long and meaningful season ahead of me
(ha...if I had only known...)

Three
Where: Marsh Creek Midnight In Milford Mills
When: last night
Why: because I am not as stubborn as I used to be, I guess...
I am not going to dwell on the fact that I bailed on a race that was going very well for me.
I felt strong and confident and eager to ride, eager to be competitive.
I was perfectly happy with how I was riding, with how my race was playing out.
I had a really great, really joyful moment out there as I careened downhill towards the ruins, a crazy-loud gaggle of kids screaming and cheering...I was loving this race and I was having fun.
I was also keenly aware of what was going on in my head, literally.

Friday night, I was violently sick after dinner.
I woke up Saturday with the familiar warning signs of an impending migraine (a fuzzy/tingly feeling in my jaw that creeps up the side of my face, almost like a toothache...it's always the first sign for me).
Nooooooooo.
I was reluctant to take anything, knowing I'd be racing later that night.
Saturday afternoon was spent drinking lots of fluids, relaxing, and trying to keep race nerves in check.

I didn't say anything to Bill because I didn't want to write off my race before it even happened. I also didn't want him to worry, as he was racing, too.
As we staged in the field, Amy said, "You're awfully quiet."
I was quiet.
I was fighting a headache that I was pretty sure wasn't an ordinary headache.
I didn't want to be the girl at the start line complaining about ailments or making excuses.
I just wanted to turn my lights on and ride fast.

So.
I had an awesome lap and called it a night after sixty very self-satisfying minutes on the trail.
For once, I actually heeded the voice of reason in my head and trusted my insticts.
It ended up being the right decision because by three in the morning, I was in the throes of a full-blown migraine.
If I had gone out for another lap, I surely would have been leveled today.

Three years ago, I'm certain I would have gone on. I would have finished the race no matter what.
I'm okay with that.
Things are different (and better) now.

Three DNFs.

Here's hoping that's it for a while.

testy racer

2011-07-22T17:52:00.000-04:00

How does Testy Racer deal?
By baking cookies and cleaning the house, of course.
Testy racer cleans the house like it's her job.
Testy Racer may snap any moment...watch out if the Heed canister only has one scoop of powder left.
Watch out if all the gloves in the pile of clean laundry are left-handed.
Just watch out, okay?
Testy racer is serious.
Testy racer may be a little cavalier about the home course.
The home course shouldn't be taken lightly, though...it's dry and dusty and more technical than you think.
Home course is riddled with angry bees and snakes, Testy Racer.

Testy Racer better watch out.

You should hear some of the other monikers we go by around here.

Wednesday Night (Pre) Ride

2011-07-20T22:02:00.000-04:00

My kid is at the beach all week with his dad, which means I am a mess and need lots of distractions until Friday.
Which means I've been volunteering myself for the challenging cases at work.
Which means I've been cooking nice dinners and enjoying Gin & Tonics during our brand new happy hour at home on the back porch.
Which means I've been on my bike a bit more.
Which means I've been able to participate in the Wednesday Night Ride (which happened to be a pre-ride of the Marsh Creek course for the race this upcoming Saturday...Saturday night, actually)....

First.
I don't like Marsh Creek.
I don't like riding there, even though the trails are good.
I've never liked riding there.
I liked the race that used to happen there in the fall and that's the only exception.

I rode there last night in the dark to get reacquainted with my lights.
I pissed off some yellow jackets and got stung in the armpit, ass, and head.
Awesome.

I rode there again tonight.
Kathleen graciously led a group of women around the course.
I suck at group rides because I get hung up worrying about holding people up, bungling on silly obstacles, looking/riding like a fool...
Isn't that ridiculous?
I didn't get stung, but I swatted a bee off my left arm.

We had a fun ride.
We had a fun ride at Marsh Creek.
Wow. I said it.

Even though it was eight thousand degrees and humid as f*ck, even though I was nervous about riding with other people, it was fun.

I miss my kid like crazy.
I'm glad I have such awesome friends and such an amazing boyfriend.
I may be a tiny bit buzzed from re-hydrating with two beers after trying to hang with Kathleen for nine miles.
Just saying.